If I asked you to write a job description for “Parent,” what would you include?
I remember when we adopted Ben, we received court documents that listed what our responsibilities were now that we were his “legal” parents. It included things such as providing love, food, clothing, and an education. Of course, we would all agree that it is our job as parents to provide for the physical and emotional needs of our children. Where I think we sometimes give up our responsibilities is in the most important area –discipleship.
Heart Parenting Strategy: Your Primary Responsibility
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Discipleship is our primary responsibility to our children.
I grew up, for the most part, in a Christian home. We were in church pretty much every time the door was unlocked — Sunday morning worship, Sunday night Bible study, Wednesday night prayer meeting. We went to Sunday School, Tuesday night visitation, missions classes, church camp, and every activity for children and youth offered. I had some wonderful teachers and pastors — and quite honestly, some that weren’t so great. Many of the classes were rife with fluff, with little deep study of the Bible. I remember being taught that the age of the earth could have been millions of years, because who knows how long a day is to God. I remember church camp being the best week of the summer because it was time to find a new boyfriend for a week.
At home, we prayed before meals. That was pretty much it. There was no family devotional time or Bible study. There was no active involvement in memorizing Scripture or discussing what the Bible said about anything — unless I had made a bad choice and was being chastised by God’s Word.
When I left home at the age of 18, my relationship with Christ was little more than that of a child. There had been little true spiritual growth, I did not know how to study the Bible, and apart from the Roman road, I had little of it committed to memory. This went on for much of my young adult life. I had a superficial relationship with God, and because of that, I made many mistakes that I would give anything to change today. I’m truly thankful by God’s grace that it is different today, but it could easily have gone the opposite way.
In fact, according to statistics, it is going the opposite way for much of our youth.
A recent nationwide survey completed by the Barna Research Group determined that only 4 percent of Americans had a biblical worldview. When George Barna looked at the “born- again” believers in America, he found that a mere 9 percent had a biblical worldview.
I’ll let that sink in for a minute — 9 percent of CHRISTIANS in America have a biblical worldview. Do you know where we’re losing them most often? Middle school. By the time kids get to middle school, they are already questioning the existence of God and determining how important He is (or will be) in their lives.
Friends — do take your children to church and allow as much involvement in church activities as is right for your family. But please do not parent your children with the assumption that they will be discipled by doing so. It is not the church’s job to disciple your kids.
Let me repeat that.
It is not the church’s job to disciple your kids.
And it really isn’t doing a very good job of it anyway.
Don’t depend on the church to do what you have been called (commanded) by God to do as parents. It is the church’s job to teach and train you how to disciple your children. Don’t fall into the trap of allowing the church to take over your job.
Many of you are doing this already, but some of you are wondering how to get started. Jesus sets the example for how to disciple throughout his life and ministry. Let’s look at a few of these examples and how they apply to us as parents.
Jesus spent most of his time with his disciples.
He invested his time building a relationship with each one. He had their hearts and they were committed to him. They didn’t always understand what he doing or why, but they trusted him and followed along because of that relationship. If you are homeschooling, you have more opportunity than most to follow the commands of Deuteronomy 6. Don’t waste this time. Yes, math and writing and history are important, but if you end up with a Rhodes scholar who is lost to the world, you will have failed. If you are not homeschooling, I implore you to try to work it out so you can. The longer you can remain the primary influence for your kids, the better. No matter how great your kid’s school is, there will be hours a day that counter everything you’re trying to teach them. Please protect your kids from as much of that as you can, for as long as you can. This is time you can never regain or make up for, no matter how much “quality” time you have at night, after dinner, homework, and getting to be early enough to get enough sleep before starting over the next day.
Jesus taught his disciples with Scripture.
All throughout his life and ministry, Jesus quoted Scripture. He had come to fulfill the Old Testament prophecies and was sure to use every opportunity to prove that he indeed had. He also answered many questions by quoting Scripture.
We are told in 2 Timothy 3:16-17:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work
Of course, to be able to use the Bible to teach, correct, and train, we must have a solid understanding of what it says ourselves. So mom — be sure you are in the Word every day. Learn how to study the Bible yourself, and then teach your kids how to do so as well. Memorize passages together. One of the most useful tools you can give your child is the ability to recall Scripture when needed. Discipleship is about equipping our kids for every good work. Let’s send them out into the world fully equipped. Currently, Ben and I are memorizing the book of Philippians together, using a beautiful book, Philippians in 28 Weeks. Soon, we will both be walking epistles!
Jesus set the example for how to serve.
Jesus knew that the way his disciples would learn the true nature of God was by watching his example. This is true for our kids as well. They will learn much more by watching us that they will by listening to us. Not only should we be setting Christ-like examples for our kids to follow, we also need to be careful of who and what else we allow into their lives to influence them — teachers, television, books, friends, music, the internet — it’s all there and setting some kind of example for our kids to follow. Work diligently to make sure they are following the ones most like Christ.
The great commission applies to you, moms. Go therefore and make disciples.
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10 Days of Heart Parenting is a series God laid on my heart after I read the book, The Christian Parenting Handbook by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, R.N. Be sure to click over to read the other installments of this biblical parenting series.